People Pleasing & the Desk That Started It All
Growing up, I was the quiet kid who wanted nothing more than to blend into the background. Being introverted didn’t exactly help my cause, but more than that, I was a people pleaser. My goals, my opinions, well almost inexistent. My biggest worry back then was something like asking my mum if I could keep my childhood desk when I became an adult..
My desk wasn’t much better, a battered hand-me-down from my brother. But at the time, I didn’t realise how symbolic that desk was. It represented just settling for whatever life handed me.
Fast forward 25 years, my current workspace is a 4-metre beast capable of supporting three monitors and just about anything else I throw at it. That desk upgrade mirrors a much bigger life shift from passive acceptance to proactively taking control.
Ever wondered what makes someone finally grab life by the horns? Here’s my take..
The Big Decisions (You’re Probably Not Ready For)
Remember being a teenager and having adults ask what you planned to do with the rest of your life? (Pretty terrifying, right?) At 14, then again at 16, I had to make choices that defined my academic and career pathways. It felt like I was blindly following a road from my brother. I ended up getting a Certificate III in Pneumatics (nope, I didn’t know what it was either and turns out, nobody else really did, because they merged it with something else soon after).
Thankfully, after numerous family debates (or negotiations, whichever sounds less dramatic), my parents finally agreed to let me study something I genuinely enjoyed: industrial design. But even then, things didn’t go smoothly. I barely scraped through, having to repeat my final year. With no way to proceed directly to a master’s, I had to dive straight into the workforce at 19.
I was working night shifts at a magazine printing factory, staying with my increasingly annoyed sister, and realising that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the life I wanted.
Ever felt like you’re drifting, stuck in circumstances you never consciously chose? That was exactly me.
When Life Pushes You (and You Start Pushing Back)
After a sibling argument and tail firmly between my legs, I returned home and found work in a tiny manufacturing company. Imagine a shy, anxious kid with rock-bottom self-esteem trying to prove himself. Yeah, that was me.
Then, one morning, my boss dropped a truth bomb that changed everything. “Fabien, you’re just not good enough. You need to go back to school.” Harsh, right? But the thing is, he was absolutely right, and I knew it. Painful as it was, his brutal honesty lit a fire under me.
He even proposed sponsoring me through an apprenticeship, essentially paying me to study and practice industrial design again. This time though, I feel I had purpose. I didn’t just show up; I crushed it.
Surrounded by supportive teachers and great friends who inspired me, I realised something powerful: when you intentionally choose the life you’re living, the entire game changes.
Creating Your Own Opportunities
After that apprenticeship, a new goal emerged: becoming an engineer. In France, you can’t just stroll into engineering school by apprenticeship, you need a sponsor. Determined, I sent out 120 letters (by actual mail!), landed three interviews, and ultimately secured a spot with Siemens 700 km away from home. Yep, I was nervous, but I knew this was the path to gaining control.
Fast forward again, becoming the first engineer in my family wasn’t enough. I needed more. Despite struggling with English, I set my sights on another master’s degree and eventually moved to England, Liverpool to work as a railway engineer. (Yes, learning English by throwing myself into an entirely new country, totally recommended!)
What Does “Being in Control” Really Mean?
Here’s the thing, my story isn’t about me. It’s about realising you don’t have to accept the life that’s handed to you. A harsh comment, a bad job, a family argument, they can all trigger change. But true control isn’t reacting to life events, it’s intentionally shaping them.
Ask yourself: What makes you feel out of control? Is it your soul-crushing 12-hour job, micromanaging boss, unreliable car, or maybe the feeling you’re missing out on life with your family?
Identifying these anchors is step one. Step two: Realising that only you can untie them. Being in control means regularly checking in with yourself, asking: “Is this really the path I want?”, and if the answer’s no, it’s time to pivot.
If You’re Not Steering, Who Is?
We’ve all read those self-help books reminding us, “If you’re not in control of your life, someone else is.” But let’s go deeper, being in control isn’t just about checking off tasks. It’s knowing the direction you’re heading, why you’re going there, and what matters most to you along the way.
So, what’s stopping you from taking the wheel? If your life feels stuck in traffic, don’t just sit there honking. Change lanes, find a new route, or hell, invent a new destination.
At the end of the day, life’s too short to drift through it passively. If you need, set reminders monthly, weekly, daily that prompt you to ask, “Am I genuinely in control right now?” And if the answer isn’t a resounding yes, that’s your cue to take action.
Take it from a former introverted people-pleaser with no clear direction: being in control isn’t about perfection, it’s about making intentional choices that align with who you truly want to be.
So, are you ready to take the wheel?